Saturday, November 20, 2010

It's Ok To Want More

I have a dear friend named Esther.  She's had it tough most of her adult life.  Divorced with two small children, she had to financially scrape to raise them, supporting her household on a tight salary.  Her children's father never contributed with child support....or support of any kind for that matter. 
At one point of our time together as friends many years go, I was also recently divorced and struggling with selling the house I had lived in for 17 years with my ex.  I desired to move on and into an apartment. Start fresh!!   I had never sold a house, especially on my own.  Big decisions.  So, I was talking with her about this challenge and how I wanted to make the best decision.  There were many "what ifs" involved for me. 
I will always remember her comment to my inner struggle...she said:  "You have everything anyone would want to have.  Why do you want to sell your home?  Why aren't you satisfied with what you have?"  Wow....for a moment, I stepped into her world.  But only for a moment.  After, I could only respond:  "Esther, because I want more.  There is nothing wrong with wanting more, with wanting to move forward, with creating change to experience something better in my life." 
I don't settle and when I feel it's time to move on, I do....within my possibilities (and sometimes I push it).  I don't consider myself unstable....but I do feel change is part of life, and I am learning not to resist it.  Some people may consider this as being ungrateful or my friend Esther.
I grew up in NYC, in the 60s, an era full of upheavel and change.  So, I'm restless.
While pursuing security and stability is ok, trying to create it outside in today's world seems a little shaky.  On my personal spiritual journey I am aware that Life Is Change. 
I believe it's ok to want more and desire something higher, challenging...isn't that what we are and what our experience confirms?  Constant Change?  Evolvement?