Reflecting on 2018

At the start of a new year, I write a list of my goals and intentions for that year. 

As I review my list for 2018, I realize I've accomplished many of the objectives I had on the list.  Not all my goals were met, but many of them were fulfilled! 

I had titled 2018 a year of TRANSFORMATION for me.  In this circle of transformation I had my eyes set on several areas of my life.

Spiritually (which is priority on my list) I have experienced a transformation (it gets better every year). I feel more at peace and happier than I ever have in my life.  During this year I deepened my study and practice of A Course in Miracles principles in my daily life and with my relationships; I have also stayed committed to meditating regularly and being aware of my thoughts and beliefs (not believing everything I think). I am also learning to trust more and surrender to the process of life vs. wanting things to be "my way".

There were also movements in my family which weren't on my list but have a lot to do with transformation.  My middle daughter, Deborah, moved with my granddaughter to Mexico (from Dominican Republic) in June.  That was a big change for them.  Then my son moved to Utah (from Miami) in September to start a new journey.

On the health side of things, I still have to work on this area of my life because I love food and I love sweets.  I did not reach my weight goal.  But this is one of my objectives in the new year.  I have finally stayed on track exercising 5 days a week.  I joined and attend a Pilates Club 3 times a week and I bike and do home yoga.  I feel good about this!

As for my purpose/life project, this is a work in progress.  I am learning so much as I work together with my YOU University colleagues to expand our reach of this wonderful program.  I love this kind of work (coaching, training); I also officiated several ceremonies this year as an ordained minister.  My purpose is to be light, to teach what I need to learn, and to continue on this path into the new year. 

I feel I become more of who I truly am with each passing year, each passing month, each passing day!

I already started my list for 2019.  HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Trusting the Process

For the past few months I've had for sale an apartment I own in the Dominican Republic and last week I traveled there to sign a contract with a buyer.

Initially, I had someone there in charge of selling it, but it seemed they were not putting much effort and time into the process.  A friend there recommended another real estate agent as being very knowledgeable and aggressive. So I hired her.

I had been praying throughout this time for God to provide the right help and the right buyer and to bless the process. 

Within a month's time she found an interested buyer and the process began.  Upon signing the contract and receiving the first payment, what I believed would be a smooth process became a very challenging one.  First, we encountered issues with my documentation.  Not having a permanent residency there anymore since I moved back to the US, slowed the whole process.  Dealing with the bank and government offices to process payment and taxes became a real struggle. Even issues with the original title have had to be addressed.  I never imagined this!!! Lawyers, money, time, confusion.  OMG.   Of course, I began to feel disappointed, frustrated, and stressed out.

Now back home in the US, I've continued working at a distance with the agent and lawyers there resolving  these issues.  I began to feel fear of losing the opportunity to sell to this buyer; having already paid the 5% commission from the initial down payment.  And fear of losing a lot of money. 

I had to face the fear head on!!!  I remembered I had prayed and I needed to trust God in this process. Since that moment that I decided to shift my focus from the fear to God, I feel much more at peace and confident that all will work out as it is supposed to.  I don't know how it will transpire, but I trust it will be as it should.  Even though feelings of doubt do come up, I choose each time to trust.  And I really do feel peaceful about it all.  It's like resting and allowing and giving it over to my Higher Power. 

God Wants Us To Be Happy

Today's A Course in Miracles lesson #74 is titled THERE IS NO WILL BUT GOD'S. 

Seems so simple and yet my mind can create complexity around this basic, true principle. What is God's Will for all of us but that we be happy?  That we trust, know we are cared for, we are eternal, that His Kingdom is within us and not in the seeming world "out there". 

I can testify that reading, contemplating on and practicing each daily lesson in my everyday life has shifted my experience as Savina.

How so?  Well, whenever I become aware of any old ego thought and emotion I'm experiencing (and I can tell by how I'm feeling....crappy), I have the discipline to notice it and remind myself of what I am learning.  It's really an unlearning of those old concepts and applying the new ones.  It may sound like brain-washing, but I don't care what it seems like.  The proof is in how I am feeling. 

Am I happier?  Yes!  Am I experiencing more peace and joy?  Yes! Is there less conflict and drama in my mind and life?  Absolutely. Anxiety?  Minimal.  (I dealt with anxiety and depression for years). I trust God (and myself) way more than I have ever in the past. It all starts right there, in my mind. In my thoughts.

So, I don't doubt the principles anymore because they work.  I still have "stuff" to heal in me. They come up like bubbles in water. Undoing a lifetime of fear-based beliefs is an on-going practice. But I am soooo loving this awakening process. 

What Does Forgiveness Mean To You?

I learned through general knowledge (and religion) that forgiveness was a godly trait, and as a “good person” I “should” forgive those that wronged me.  That seemed easy enough….but it wasn’t. 

I was willing to forgive but I still felt the hurt and resentful feelings.  I had no idea what to do about them except stuff them inside of me.  Of course, they would surface in passive ways and create rifts in my relationships. 

Once I started the YOU University work, forgiveness was presented in whole other way. I remember how sweet in my heart it felt to read:  Forgiveness means to GIVE LOVE AS BEFORE.  Yes, I wanted to experience that.

I found healing as I did the work of first acknowledging and honoring my feelings towards those that I believed had hurt me, and then I used the written tools learned in the program to process and express them.  

But I admit I felt resistance in the process because I wanted retribution, I wanted to continue feeling like a victim.  But more than anything I needed to heal….so I wrote many love letters to those I had believed had wronged me in the past.  This allowed me to reach the love and/or understanding that was in my heart for myself and the other person.....and peace. 

Today, when I forgive, I acknowledge my feelings first and then I do my best to understand the other person’s situation.  I do this process with the help of my Higher Self (It helps me see the bigger picture) and sometimes I talk it over with a friend indeed and or write a love letter.  

My understanding of true forgiveness is even deeper now as I learn through my practice of the principles in A Course in Miracles that everyone is doing the best they can with what they know.  That they cannot hurt my True Being because it is invulnerable.  I am not perfect, I am a work in progress; but the more I forgive, the closer I am to reaching my True Being, that state of love, peace and joy.  

Gentle and Loving Words

Life and spiritual coaches, and all healers and helpers....let our words be gentle and loving with our clients and with the people in our lives, especially ourselves.

Through my Pathways of Light Ministerial training, I experienced how gentle, loving and fear-free the Pathways courses are.....based on the principles of A Course in Miracles and I remember the words of my facilitator: “A teacher should never say anything that will produce fear in their students.”  Oh my God, yes.  And A Course in Miracles is all about LOVE.  No guilt, no fear.  We are loved and there is no condemnation. 

I have been so enamored by the message of love and forgiveness in the Course. The message throughout the entire book is that we are guiltless and sinless. As I read the material, I sense God's love and acceptance of me and of all of us, and I practice these principles in my everyday life (to the best of my ability), bringing them to each of my relationships.  Whenever I feel I have failed to embody the principles because I react from my old ego-based nature, my Higher Self gently reminds me that it's ok...I am loved and there is no judgment.  There is no fear!!!!
Whenever we use fear-based words or comments, others automatically raise their defenses, creating separation and the false belief of self-protection.  Let us remember this as we relate with our clients and to all of Life and ourselves.  May our words be empowering, uplifting, honest, and always focused on who we really are!!!

Our Thoughts Have Power

These are statements from A Course in Miracles workbook lessons.  I’ve read through them many, many times in the past 11 years as a student of this spiritual path.  But it’s now that I am dedicated to practicing them deeply and am experiencing their effects. Good ones!

Living these principles is not the same as knowing them. They really challenge my thought system. I’ve known them but now I am better at living them.  So, whenever I feel uneasy, afraid, unworthy, less than, defensive, any yucky stuff, I am much quicker at catching the thought creating these feelings as soon as it arises.  I remind myself of the truth of my being, and I let it go. Often it takes several times going through this process, but it works the same.  

I know that if I hold on to this thought/belief it will eventually produce some kind of effect in the world I see and affect me directly.  I choose peace.

Who are We?

Who Am I?  Who are you?  Well, the many spiritual  books I've read on this journey affirm that we are all (in essence) changeless, eternal, love, powerful, and so much more.  What a wonderful, freeing feeling it is to accept this about ourselves.

Because of my self-defeating beliefs learned at an early age,  I believed that I was not enough, that I would never know enough to do and be what I so much desired.  I compared myself with others (always feeling less than, of course) and felt I wasn't worthy of the best in life.

In spite of this feeling of unworthiness, I decided I would find out what my purpose here was.  I was on a quest to discover who I really was. My True Self was not about my roles as a mother, a wife, a professional, a woman nor any of the other labels that had defined me.

Along the way, I experienced abusive relationships that kept me stuck for many years and sort of detached from what I had begun to pursue.  But even this served as a motivator to continue my quest.

I kept on and followed that deep, inner desire to heal.  I chose to study life coaching and also become an ordained minister.  Both life-changing and have served as part of my awakening and healing process. As a result I can testify that I've never been happier, my relationships are healthier, my choices are too!!

As I use what I've learned when the old stuff comes up, I don't allow the self-defeating thoughts to hang around in my head anymore.  I choose now to focus on what is true of me and of us all.  I remind myself consistently that:

• I am powerful
• I am loved and loving
• I am the light of the world
• I am eternal
• I am provided for
• God is always with me; I am never alone

Close your eyes if only for a moment and repeat those words to yourself.  Feel them.  Start your day with this purpose of being who you truly are moment to moment.  When the old stuff comes up, just remind yourself.  It is very freeing and joyful.  

Prayers

There are times when I'm at a loss of how to pray effectively for someone or a situation.  Each day and all throughout the day my prayers and thoughts envelope my loved ones and also anyone that asks for prayer.  When asked, I stop what I'm doing and I send whatever comes from within.

And then there are times when I feel overwhelmed and can only ask God "How do I pray for this?  I don't understand".  I know by now in my life that I don't really have all the knowledge or information regarding any given situation or person.  I can't judge why "this" or "that" happens.  I DON'T KNOW.  I can only TRUST that a Higher Power is watching and guiding and knows what is best for all involved.  And that it's all good.

At this time someone who was very much a part of my life many years ago, who is far away, is going through their last stages of cancer.  They seem to be very close to making their transition.  This morning I was guided to light a candle for them and to be with them at a distance sending peaceful thoughts.  I sent them thoughts of tranquility.  I was guided to repeatedly say to their mind:  "Be tranquil.  Allow the light that you are to fill and envelope you and open up to God." 

What I discovered today is that even when I don't know how to pray for someone or a situation, as I remain still and quiet, Spirit within gives me the feeling, the words, the actions, whatever I need at any given moment.  And nothing comes to me.  Just to be still. Just light a candle representing the Light that we all are may be enough. 

Miracles Are Happening All the Time

To me, a miracle is an event that goes beyond the laws of the ego thought system.  A miracle is the result of practicing the laws of Spirit.  It results in healing, connection, oneness and feelings of love, joy and peace. 

Each encounter, each relationship is an opportunity for me to choose to see another differently.  By looking beyond the personality, I transcend ego vision, and begin to "see" with the eyes of Spirit....I see the light in them.  In this way I don't relate to my past experience of them, but to the here and now. It is an opportunity to bring more peace and freedom into my life and relationships.  I can choose to be defenseless and invulnerable and let go of attack.

As this becomes a continuous and deliberate choice, guess what?  Miracles are more common.  I am happier.  My relationships begin to heal.  I feel more connected and less separated from my True Self, from others, and most of all from God!