Sunday, August 18, 2019

I Will Not Be Afraid of Love Today

Today's lesson of A Course in Miracles (the Course includes a workbook with 365 lessons, one for each day of the year) is an affirmation; it says "I will not be afraid of love today."  

This is my 5th time going through these lessons since I began to study the Course in 2007.  The more I read, study and practice them, the more my mind opens up to these principles and the more healing I've experienced.  My understanding is deeper and I am able to let go of old beliefs and concepts that have kept me stuck in fear.  

Yet, I was curious when I read the title.  Am I really afraid of love?  I've never thought of it.  As I read the lesson insights by Lisa Natoli, who is a great teacher of the Course, I identified some fears I still experience that keep me from being the love that I am.  I realize that I am afraid of stepping into my True Identify of Love because I don't feel worthy.  I fear being authentic, vulnerable and making mistakes. The sense of unworthiness of God's Love has made me feel that I need to earn the love that is already mine by default.  

This lesson is asking me to step out of that self-concept of unworthiness, of weakness and fear.  No more having to defend my self-image.  I am as God created me.  Let me be that!  I am love, created by Love.  And Love is the greatest power there is.  

This is my practice.  Ongoing.  

Tuesday, August 13, 2019

From Fear to Love

How automatic it is to fall right into fear when confronted confronted with money issues, or when I perceive someone's disapproval of me or if there is conflict in a relationship.  Fear of lack, fear of losing my image or of losing someone's love.

I realize these are opportunities to observe which thought system I'm in at that moment.  Am I in fear or in love?  As soon as I catch myself, I make the shift in my thoughts from fear to truth.  

This morning I was presented with a money issue.  I felt fear of not having enough, lack. I sat with it for a moment and remembered that I am whole, I am provided for and all is well as it is.  I focused on this and trusted it.  As soon as I did this, I returned to peace.  Total freedom starts and ends in my own thoughts and perceptions.  

It may sound simple.  And it is.  It is the ego that makes things complex and complicated, with lots of "what ifs".  When we trust and practice and repeat, it works.  

Thursday, August 8, 2019

God's Peace is Mine

Today's Workbook lesson #273 of A Course in Miracles felt like such a treat.  I focused on its meaning during my quiet time with God which is a mix of meditation, prayer and imagery.  

I imagined the feeling of owning this God-given stillness and peace.  I concluded that being in stillness is my part, making time and space to actually be still and quiet....to listen, to sense.  To be aware.  And then peace is the effect, the result of this practice.  

The even more beautiful realization is that this is a gift.  I don't have to earn it; I can step into it, and practice the stillness.  Because this peace is already within me, when I take my focus away from all the outer "doings" and noise and distractions, I experience the awareness of God's peace.  And I have it with me all through the day.  

I do get side-tracked and forget, so I take out my index card where I write my lesson to remind me.  I do my best to read it as much as possible during the day so it becomes second-nature.  Yes, it takes willingness and consistency.  But so worth it.  This is my practice in spiritual awakening and awareness.  

Monday, August 5, 2019

I Am At Peace When My Thoughts Are Fixed on God

This is one of my favorite quotes from the Bible and I remind myself quite often what it truly means....and try to live it as best as I can.

But, what is it really saying?  How can I practice what it says?

Perfect peace is a sense of complete well-being, with no worries, no fears, and having a feeling of safety and protection from my Higher Power. 

I ask myself:  Do I trust God?  What does this trust feel and look like?  Do I just do a lot of "lip service" saying I trust but then give in to worry and negative talk?  No. Trusting in God means I can rest assured all my issues and needs are taken care of.  it means asking for guidance and knowing I will be answered.  Trusting means remaining steadfast and grounded IN SPITE of whatever may be happening around me.  It's really knowing deep within that God Is and that I am taken care of.  And, of course, this is a result of spending quiet time connecting within.  Listening, being still.

Whenever fear and worry enter my mind, I remember this verse and repeat it over and over until I return to peace. I rest.  I trust.  Aaaaah.  This is what having my thoughts fixed on God and  Truth means.  To really trust God is to experience perfect peace. 

Thursday, July 18, 2019

The Way Back to God is to Practice Forgiveness


Forgiveness is the central idea and message of A Course in Miracles.  I have been reading the book, practicing its principles bit by bit for the last 12 years.  Forgiveness as the Course teaches it has been a challenge for me to understand and apply. 

Forgiveness is defined as follows:  "FORGIVENESS RECOGNIZES WHAT YOU THOUGHT YOUR BROTHER DID TO YOU HAS NOT OCCURRED.  IT DOES NOT PARDON SINS AND MAKE THEM REAL.  IT SEES THERE WAS NO SIN."

And sin is defined as a false idea about God's creation. 

In order for me to really understand its meaning, I had to write down this definition and read it repeatedly, and really take it in. I asked Spirit to help me practice this, for it's completely different to what I've always believed forgiveness to be. 

Forgiveness to me was about me being a victim of someone or something. It was the belief that someone had done something bad to me, and by forgiving, I was pardoning them.   But this still made them guilty and what they did real. 

According to the Course, only illusions (what is not truth) is what needs to be forgiven.  To make it simple, this world is not real, it is an illusion made up and experienced because we believe (at a subconscious level) that we are separate from our Creator.  Most of what we perceive is really coming from our own minds, our beliefs and what we hold as true. 

When I began to really apply this new way of seeing the world, as a dream, and seeing myself and others as innocent (over and over....it's a practice), the sense of being a victim and making others bad started to loosen. I feel more compassion and am not as swift to judge anymore, as I used to. 

To be honest, I still read the definition of forgiveness to remind me of its true meaning because I still forget and fall back to thinking someone is guilty of what I believe they have done to me.  And, since my desire and only real goal is to return to God, and forgiveness is the way my mind returns Home, I'm all in with this!!! 

Monday, July 8, 2019

PROCESSING MY EMOTIONS TO REACH A STATE OF FORGIVENESS


As a Senior Coach of YOU University, I have the privilege of going through program for a second time after graduating 9 years ago.
I am at a different emotional and spiritual place at this time. Still, some deep stuff has surfaced as I do the YOU University exercises (coupled with my awareness and practice of A Course in Miracles spiritual principles).
YOU University defines FORGIVENESS as: "To Give Love As Before", whereas the Course defines FORGIVENESS as: "Forgiveness recognizes what I thought my brother did to me has not occurred." Basically, both agree that it's about seeing and extending love, not judgment nor condemnation. As I visited the past and wrote love letters to my ex-husband, I found such a block to forgiving him. I recognized I was still stuck in the past, holding him guilty of his sexual, emotional and physical abuse during our marriage.
Feelings of anger and hate surfaced as I wrote a love letter to him. How could he pass away (last November) without making amends to me and our children? How could he never take responsibility for all that he did?
I cried as I processed my feelings through the letter steps, realizing that as long as I held him in that place of unforgiveness, I was also holding myself guilty, since I participated in that situation.
So I sat with this. I asked Spirit to help me get past this and be able to return to love (for him and myself). But, how could I see him as innocent? I felt Spirit gently remind me that all that was required of me was to be willing and Spirit would do the rest.
I wrote another love letter to him....this time I felt a sense of peace and understanding towards him. A much, much better place to be. I am willing to choose to see this all differently.....with Spirit's Help.

Monday, June 24, 2019

Is Practicing Self-Care Selfish?

I would say no. Self-care is never selfish (unless I have no regard for another’s feelings or best interests). 

I understand I am responsible for my own well-being. Physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally. Self-care can be setting healthy boundaries when someone is over-stepping them, not respecting my space or being manipulative to get what they want.

Self-care can mean saying “no” to an invitation or to someone I care about because I need time to myself to rest and be still. 

It can be treating myself to a massage or a nice meal at a sassy restaurant because I need to feel pampered.
In the past I had confused self-care with being selfish; I believed that putting others first was selfless; but it doesn’t work. In the long run it made me feel depleted and unappreciated (by myself mostly). Self-sacrifice usually means I am giving more than what I can and I may be expecting to be acknowledged for this. But I understand I cannot give of what I don’t have for myself. If I stretch my capacity trying to please others, I will feel resentful, and that is not healthy. 

When I care for myself and honor my own needs, I can care and love others from a place of wholeness. It’s a win-win experience.

Thursday, June 20, 2019

Focus on this Moment!!

Focusing on the present moment was never easy for me.  Having an anxious and over-active mind meant that my thoughts were usually somewhere in the past or future.  

I have become much more aware of my mind activity, and with practice I have learned to master presence.  Yet, even as I  practice this consistently, I still catch myself multi-tasking in my head.

Whenever I'm not present, I feel rushed, stressed or even guilty, depending on what is on my mind. But, when I consciously choose to focus on what I'm doing at the moment, the experience is completely different.  I become aware, engaged, and a sense of expansion fills my mind.  I'm not stressed or anxious to move on to the next task anymore.  My mind is present, peaceful and focused! 

I do this practice as I wash the dishes.  I practice awareness and presence when I'm listening to someone.  I listen with intent and interest.  And the other person I'm sure can feel a difference too.  There's an energy of connection.  They can sense they are being acknowledged and heard.  If my mind wanders (and it will), I just notice, and I bring it back to the now.  

You can try this too.  Start by being present in a simple activity, such as brushing your teeth.  Or really savor your food instead of rushing through it while watching television.  I assure you you will feel more alive.  Sounds good, right?  Let me know if you try it and how it feels.  


Tuesday, June 11, 2019

My Love for my Adult Children


I just spent 5 days in Mexico City visiting my daughter and granddaughter. We had not spent quality time since they moved there June of last year (2018); and quality time it was. And fun!!!
But being a mom hasn't always been fun nor easy.
I remember my own mother. She did her very best to raise me well, but her narcissistic characteristics made her unstable mentally and emotionally and very difficult to get along with (and to please);I grew up feeling emotionally alone all through my childhood and teen years. By 20 I was married.
As a mother myself, I was determined to do my best to be a better and more conscious parent for my children than my mother was for me. I tried to be really present and supportive for my 3 children. Even so, I made so many mistakes. I was not abusive with my children (as my mother was) but their father was abusive with me and I allowed them to be exposed to years of conflict, fighting and to a toxic home environment.
I realize that parenting is one of the most difficult yet rewarding projects we can take on in life! It’s a huge responsibility, and most of us are not equipped with the wisdom, patience, and emotional health required to guide our children in the best of ways. But as we become more aware of our deficiencies, we can choose to work on healing our own inner child and become better parents.
Today, my relationship with my adult children is open, loving and enjoyable. Through the years we’ve had many difficult yet healing conversations, where they were able to express their feelings, resentments and frustration. It was hard to listen, but so worth it. I am very grateful.

Saturday, May 25, 2019

As I Heal My World Heals

I realize how important it is to continue on this journey of self-awareness, forgiveness, self-acceptance, releasing guilt and applying the healing principles consistently. It is so important because I believe my healing affects everyone in my life (and maybe even beyond). As I heal and return to wholeness, my husband, my children, all those I encounter, even my parents who are on another plane, can feel the effects and be healed too. I am aware that what I do for myself I do for all.


Sunday, April 21, 2019

One Problem One Solution

I always post about my own life journey and what I experience.  To say the least, I'm not perfect and far from "arriving", but I am truly willing to open up to Spirit within and be guided every single step of the way.

I know that every relationship and circumstance in my life can be used by my Inner Wisdom to teach me where I am at in my healing process. But, what is it that needs to be healed?  Well, I know for a fact that I still hold many false ideas and beliefs about myself and the world in general.

I realize that I identify with the body as if I am a body and not that I have a body.  I still have fears that I need to address, process and release because they are based on lies.  I know that Love, the eternal love that doesn't change, is the answer to each and every seeming problem.  In A Course in Miracles it states clearly that there is only one problem.....and one solution.  Basic, right?  And what is that one solution to all my problems??? 

Knowing who I am in truth.  Every time I remember to identify as a Child of God, created by Love, having all of God's attributes, and I feel it and hold it in my awareness consistently, something of the old drops away.  I realize that I am one with my Creator, that I am not separate from Him at all.  Those old beliefs I've held on to for so long, such as unworthiness, fear, guilt, shame, defensiveness, and not being enough as I am, are not true of me.  Or of anyone.  They all stem from believing we have done something terribly wrong....at a very deep level. 

So far, knowing this truth and being it is still in the process of becoming one in the same.  I forget, I fail, I fear, I defend, I doubt.  But I am aware!  When these false beliefs show up, I use the tools I have learned:  I affirm I am not guilty, that I am eternally loved, that I don't need to defend myself because I am whole. I use forgiveness, which is a practice of seeing everything from a spiritual standpoint, not an ego one.

Along with affirming these truths about everyone, I find that writing about this in my journal, reading on it everyday and listening to other spiritual teachers strengthens me to be and act from this true place in me.   

Thursday, April 11, 2019

God's Perfect Peace

I love these two affirmations/verses.  They speak so dearly to my heart.  One is from the Bible and the other from the workbook lesson #148 in A Course in Miracles.  Both affirm what I believe to be true and have experienced.  God's peace is mine when I focus on His Truth.

Quite often my mind wanders off into planning, worrying, judging myself and others, comparing, or feeling like a victim; these thoughts and mental activities take my focus away from the present moment, creating stress and a sense of lack.  Here is when I remember these words and I repeat them.  I remind myself that my mind holds only God's thoughts, and that I will experience perfect peace by doing so because I trust in Him. 

Thursday, March 28, 2019

Writing a Love Letter


I AM RE-POSTING THIS BLOG POST ) (WITH SOME MINOR EDITS) FROM OCTOBER 20th, 2013 BECAUSE IT IS STILL SO RELEVANT AND CAN INSPIRE  OTHERS.  

One of the most important, useful and practical healing tools I’ve learned in YOU University Coaching is the Love Letter.

Using love letters has been extremely helpful for me to get in touch with my feelings.....those that I carry around unexpressed and that float around in my insides like an untreated virus.

I've experienced uncomfortable feelings the past few days towards someone I love very much but has crossed time and again my healthy boundaries.  Because of my difficulty in expressing uncomfortable feelings for fear of abandonment and confrontations, my old behavior has been to keep these bottled in and then obsess continuously about them, losing peace of mind.

This morning I did a love letter to process my anger towards this person.  The feelings poured out:  anger, fear, sadness, hurt....and then responsibility (mine) for creating the situation because I allowed it; then understanding, forgiveness and love!

What was magical to me about the whole process was how I became aware of my own part in the whole issue. How my old patterns of behavior, fears, guilt, wanting to feel needed and important, played a huge part in hindering my relationship with this person.  It became clear to me that I need to learn to and practice saying NO, a "NO" that comes from love, instead of a YES that is tainted with fear that then transforms into resentment and anger.    

I feel much better now because I released my feelings on paper.  The purpose of the love letter is for my own benefit, to go within and become aware of what is really going on inside me and what I need to work on and heal.

Feel free to contact me if you're interested in learning about love letters.

Sunday, March 24, 2019

Taking 100% Responsibility

I have resisted taking 100% responsibility for my life experience, since it's easier to feel like a victim of circumstances and people.  This allows me to complain, to judge, to point the finger, to whine and to even defend myself.  But all of these are tricks of the ego mind to keep me precisely in a victim stance, believing I am weak and in remaining in fear.

Taking responsibility for what I experience means I choose to question my thoughts, my beliefs and see that being a victim is not that much fun and just keeps me stuck where I'm at.  And I don't want that anymore.

As I continue to study and practice A Course in Miracles principles, they become clearer, not just at an intellectual level....saying "oh yes, I get it" and repeating them, yet continuing to live in fear, lack, and at the effect of life.  The Course reminds me over and over that how I experience circumstances and people is a result of the projections of my own mind.  I am cause, not effect.  It has taken me a long time to accept this. 

I love a central theme in the course:  "My Mind Holds Only What I think with God".  I re-read it a few weeks ago and it remains very fresh in my awareness now, reminding me consistently to look at my thoughts and see if I'm thinking God thoughts or ego thoughts.  Am I peaceful, loving, joyful, secure, present in the moment, seeing beyond the illusions, or am I defensive, stressed, rushed, anxious, judging, irritated?  Well, you get the picture, right?  When I get lost in my thoughts, I remember this phrase, and sometimes I even laugh a bit, realizing how subtle and easy I fall back into fearful thoughts.  And right there, I choose again.

I am completely committed to waking up from this illusory experience of the world.  I choose God as I take responsibility for what I experience, holding the truth of what I am in my awareness moment to moment.     

Tuesday, March 12, 2019

I Step Back in Faith

Since the month of December, 2018, I have been working with a realtor in the Dominican Republic to sell a property in that country.  To say the least, it's been quite challenging.

Because I live in the USA, I was required to hire a lawyer there to represent me through the whole process, collecting all the necessary paperwork.  The Power of Attorney prepared was repeatedly declined by the title offices there.  Each time we deposited the document with the added info, they still ask for more proof of identity, which meant more money and delay.  Finally, by the end of January, we resolved and deposited all documentation at the bank processing the loan for the buyer. 

It's almost the middle of March and I am still waiting.  Waiting for the bank to finalize all legal processing of the loan so I can travel there and sign.  I have felt frustration, I've complained, inquired when everything will be finalized, with no real response, that I finally decided to let go and trust the process.  I have asked God to bless the whole thing.  And I continue waiting. 

This morning, as soon as I woke up,I was entertaining ego thoughts about the situation, planning to contact the realtor with some sarcastic comment if this will happen at all or some time this year.  But I understood that doing this would mean I was not trusting God and was taking back control of the situation. 

I decided to choose peace, step back in faith and trust God with the whole process and timing.  It will happen at the perfect time.   


Tuesday, February 26, 2019

Today's A Course in Miracles lesson is #142 (a review of two previous ones).  

--I thank my Father for His gifts to me.
--Let me remember I am one with God.

So, I sat with the first statement or lesson.  I closed my eyes and began to think about this.  What are God's gifts to me?  And they came to my awareness as I said them out loud to myself.  They are so many, and so good.  I'm sure I overlooked some but the ones that were popping up like a water fountain were these:

Peace, joy, power, grace, love, abundant good, security, happiness, purpose, eternity, communion with God all the time, connection, wholeness, truth, innocence, light, wisdom, vision, guidance, freedom, oneness.    

I spent a few seconds with some of them realizing these gifts are more a state of being than what any object or person can provide.  They cannot be taken away from me, but only I can renounce or forget them. To sit with this lesson and in stillness practice what God's gifts can feel like is to remember who I am and to find what is already mine.  I realize that I already have and am all of these and it's my choice, moment to moment, to step into my true identity and experience the above.  I remember that I am one with God.  

Friday, February 15, 2019

Wow! These Course Lessons are a Mind-Digger

My blog is mostly about my own awakening and growth journey in all aspects of my life.  Especially as a life coach and minister.  As I progress with the A Course in Miracles lessons (one lesson for each day of the year), reading and applying them, my mind has loosened more regarding the world I see and how I see myself and others.

The lessons for this past week are especially mind-diggers.  That's how I feel them.  They have really made me go within to ask for Help in seeing myself and the world from this new perspective.  


Here they are:  


  • #128:  The world I see holds nothing I want.
  • #129:  Beyond this world there is a world I want.
  • #130:  It is impossible to see two worlds.
  • #131:  No one can fail who seeks to reach the truth.
  • #132:  I loose the world from all I thought it was.
I write each lesson down on an index card and focus on the lesson of the day consistently.  

For sure this world is not what I would call home at all.  That is why we are all in a constant search for happiness, for something more, knowing deeply that there has to be something better beyond this.  In the world we seem to live in as bodies, everything changes, we feel unsafe and with no security, there is no constant peace and joy.  Life is always changing.  Unexpected stuff happens.  We get sick, etc.  So, I want to believe that beyond this world there is one that I want to experience.  One where there IS peace, joy, oneness, love, safety.  But, I can't feel safe if I have contrary beliefs.  You know, yes, I believe in God and that I am loved, yet I am full of fears and defensiveness and separateness.  Two worlds.  Contrary thoughts and beliefs.  

The lessons go on to say that I can't fail to reach the truth when I am determined to find it.  As I invite these new ideas into my mind, consistently, repeatedly, the world I see is loosened from the old thought patterns that made it in the first place.  

Lesson #132 states that there really is no world out there.  My beliefs keep the world in place....beliefs are powerful you know.  I need to change my mind, embrace what this and other spiritual paths say about me and my Creator.  That we are One.  I am Love.  I was created from Love.  As I begin to change my mind, the world I see changes too.  I can even see whatever happened in my past differently, and experience a future different from the past.  

These principles are still challenging to me.  It's a complete shift in perception from what I have believed to be solid, true and unavoidable, to begin to realize that it's not real and I have the power to change my mind from ego thoughts (based on illusions because of  fear and separation) to God thoughts (based on truth, reality and Oneness).    So far, it's exciting!  

Saturday, January 26, 2019

From 3rd Dimension to 4th Dimensional Living

A few weeks ago, as I was doing my daily devotional, reading that day's A Course in Miracles lesson, I had this thought: 

  • Living and being the Course principles is like stepping out of 3D and walking into the 4th dimension.
It felt a little like those "aha" moments many speak about.  I wrote it down on an index card and it sits on my desk as a reminder.  I see it everyday while I'm working on my computer;  I may forget this for a while when I walk away, but each day I feel this more and more to be true.  

There are many other paths to awakening to our True Self other than A Course in Miracles.  They all can lead us to Truth (within), towards our innocence, peace, power and light, and so we may share it with other souls.  Peace, love and joy are states of being that we are meant to be our experience, but we have been led to believe otherwise, that we are somehow guilty, weak, victims...and as we believe, so we live this way.  

A true spiritual path will present us with new concepts that open our minds to our our true state of being.  As we thirst for truth, we can begin to trust and practice these principles and have a new experience.  I believe this is what we all want....to return Home.  

Tuesday, January 15, 2019

God's Peace and Joy are Mine

A Course in Miracles is A spiritual curriculum of study and practice that leads us back to God, to the universal truth that we are all one in Spirit.  It's a practical course, one to be studied and practiced in our daily lives.  

This path enamored me many years ago and I have felt it's effect on my life.  The more I practice, the happier and more at peace I am.  I cannot deny it.  

The book contains three parts:  the Text, the Workbook lessons (365 lessons, one to be read and practiced each day of the year) and the Manual for Teachers.  I've been reading and practicing the lessons again, for the 5th or 6th time now and today's lesson opened up a new understanding of God's gifts to me, and to all of us.  

These gifts are eternal and universal, and they come from Love and can never be taken away from us.  We can deny them and become unaware of them due to our identification with physical form, but they are here and now, within us.  These gifts (among many others) are PEACE and JOY.  

As I begin to practice the lessons by consistently allowing myself to be what they say that I am in truth (a Child of God, innocent, whole, unlimited, etc.) and let go of my old self-concept in form, (limited, unworthy, guilty, etc.), I start to see others in the same light, not as a body, but as their True Self, whole, unlimited, innocent.  

The really funny thing is the more I practice by reminding myself that God's peace and joy are mine and extend these gifts to others, the more joy and peace I experience.  The more I give, the more I receive.  It really works.