Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Learning to trust myself is a real challenge for me. Time and again I get that gut feeling, the warning, the nudge, and I invalidate this built-in guidance system and instead listen to what others around me think and feel is the right way to go.
At least I am realizing this. It used to be that when faced with a decision, small or significant, I couldn't make up my mind. I'd be filled with anxiety and confusion. Oh my God, what should I do? What if I choose wrong? What if I make a mistake? What if? What if?
Underneath that feeling of confusion was and is the inability to trust myself. Fear and self doubt are underneath these reactions. It has been a loooong journey to come to this realization.
Trust myself. That sounds so good. So wholly.
Three precise tools or systems, if you will, have helped me embrace this new way of interacting within myself (does that make sense, interacting within myself?).
- Human Design. This is a system of understanding your conditioning vs. your true and original design to help you get to know yourself better. More and more I am reminded from within what my true design is and it helps me to trust myself more.
- You University. The program is not just a reading through; it has tangible assignments and work that get you very much in touch with your core beliefs and allows you to surface and look at them and choose differently.
- My spiritual connection and relationship to God. Knowing I'm not alone and am loved unconditionally gives me a certain courage to love myself.
Friday, September 17, 2010
I had a difference with someone I care for very much just this past week. When in a relationship, whether it's romantic, friendship, business, coworkers, it's hard for me to honestly take responsibility for my own creations. I tend to project onto another what I'm supposed to be doing or owning. I hide these parts of me from myself. Why is it so hard to be honest with myself? For whom do I want to keep face? What am I defending?
I find it takes really a lot of courage to look at myself and be just as I am. Sometimes it feels scary. My God, is it that I've been so ingrained to doubt myself and to believe I have to be a certain way (that's not who I really am) in order to be ok?
When I decide to look at what's going on inside me, even momentarily, I find I need to release those preconceived labels and images I have created about myself. Like what?
- I should be perfect and not make mistakes
- I need to be good and this behavior, if discovered or revealed, proves the contrary
- I will be left alone if I don't please this person
- I don't know how to express my feelings effectively so I will hide what I'm really feeling to avoid confrontations
After talking it over, writing a love letter and acknowledging my lack of responsibility with my friend, we both feel so much better and connected again.
Lesson learned. And life goes on.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Reviewing Bldg 3 in You University Life Coach training program a few days ago (going over an old assignment), it was refreshing to reread and reaffirm what it takes to walk the true path of inner transformation. I'd like to share these with you here:
- Willingness: First, I have to want to make the changes needed to create the life I want. I have to have self honesty that I need to make changes and to do the work. I cannot force this or do it grudgingly. It takes a voluntary willingness to move forward.
- Commitment: Commitment is central to your transformation. This commitment to yourself means that no matter what is occurring in your life,YOUR PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION IS THE CORE VALUE YOU HOLD DEAREST. It is your reality and your salvation. This quote is from the referred Bldg.....I think it says it all. But I always need to add my own experience to what I blog here so it doesn't seem like I'm lecturing. There is something called Resistance that we all have within us. Change is uncomfortable....it's scary sometimes. So, it has been really necessary for me to remain focused on my commitment to myself to continue on my self growth and healing journey. I am important to myself. Now. No more putting it off. It's not enough to have willingness...to want...I want this, I want that, etc....we have to be committed.
- Courage: it does take courage to face yourself, to own those parts of you you've been burying inside for years. It takes courage to admit responsibility and to take charge of your life.
Are you ready?
Friday, September 10, 2010
For many years I worked as an Administrative Assistant in the corporate world. I never stayed at any job for more than 2 years, except for one, where I remained for 5 years. It was a pharmaceutical regional office in Santo Domingo. I started as a Secretary and transitioned into the Human Resources Coordinator.
I was fortunate in my career. I always landed jobs in great companies and learned a lot over the years.
While the companies were good, stable, with great benefits and good working environment, the work itself was not satisfying. Most of the time, all during those years (30), I felt bored and unchallenged. But, the work was not too demanding and it was low stress. I was able to juggle work and kids.
As I matured in life, I felt I couldn't settle or compromise anymore, but this was what I knew how to do and the pay was good.
Still, I dreamed of working from my own home office. My perfect work would be: challenging, purposeful and satisfying, using my creative talents and abilities, making my own hours, being my own boss, and creating good income.
At my last job, again a pharmaceutical, I was the Exec. Adm. Assistant to five VPs in the Financial Department. I knew for sure this was not what I was going to be doing the rest of my working years. I just had to make a change. But what? How? I felt stuck!! I researched about changing careers, I prayed to God for guidance.
Well, that's when I decided to hire a life coach. Maia Berens patiently heard me out time and again, as I was complaining and wondering....yet she saw my potential to become a Life Coach and she would gently suggest it. As a matter of fact, so did many of my friends. I had been coaching already (at work and in spiritual communities) because it was a natural talent of mine to listen, motivate, and guide others.
After 3 years at the job, the company was sold to a larger pharmaceutical, and guess what? I got laid off last May. By this time, I was already in Life Coach training with Maia under the You University program (yes, I finally gave myself permission to go for what I wanted). I not only learned tools to coach others but I have experienced a real transformation in my inner life through the program.
Did I create this new reality in my life? I certainly believe so. They say when the student is ready the teacher will appear. I wanted a change in my life and I took steps to make it happen.
Every life is unique. This is my journey. Right now? I'm coaching as a You University Life Coach and I love what I'm doing. My life situation at this time has allowed me to make this career change. I'm excited and I affirm each day that this is the path I am choosing to travel.
We all have our own unique pace and we learn at our own speed. It's never a good practice or idea to force anything either on ourselves or on other people.
As a Life Coach, I'm learning that one of my main tools with my clients is patience. But not just with clients, also with the people in my life in general.
I need patience to allow others to travel on their own journey; to become aware when they become aware. That's how it happened for me, too. And I am grateful to my own coach, Maia, for being patient with me and believing in me.
I have a very good friend named Jessica. She's been in a really strained financial situation, like, for years now. She's a Christian, a believer in God and a knower of the Bible. So, she has faith, she has foundation, she's also very intelligent and has a BA in Marketing.
Yet, Jessica's been without work for more than a year; she has no children, she's single, and she has family and knows a lot of people. We don't see each other much, because we live in different countries, but the friendship is strong and ongoing.
Many times, knowing how she struggles, I ask God "why?" Here's a decent, smart, wise, faithful being. What's going on here?
Even though we're friends, good ones, she doesn't share what's going on inside of her. Jessica doesn't open up very easily, if at all. I let her know I'm here for her, and I offer my support....yet, I realize that when she's ready to recognize her needs and has the willingness to look within and work at unearthing and discovering what's been blocking her for so long, she'll do it.
Again, I repeat what I said at the beginning, I cannot force Jessica to open up until she herself is ready. I cannot judge ever what her lessons are in life. It's unwise of me to see her as a victim. She is God's creation, a unique one, with her own gifts, talents and abilities to blossom in her life. I am here for her and patiently offer my support.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
I love being my age, 55. While many people in general hide their age as they advance in life, I feel proud of it. I can say that I feel my best right here and now.
I'm not boasting nor trying to sound totally fulfilled. I realize there are many aspects of life that I still need to learn about, and parts of me that I need to embrace and accept.
Yet, I have this feeling of wholeness and serenity never experienced before.
This state did not come on its own, nor was it achieved without a price. Every single experience I've had in my life has taught me something of value. What I called a struggle or labeled as bad at the moment, I now look back and can see its value in guiding me to where I am at now.
My life is not perfect. Perfection is a concept invented by the ego to create struggle and illusion. We are all "perfect" in our uniqueness. My life is just as it needs to be and from it I choose to see myself.
While others may feel they are aging and sagging in certain areas, I choose to focus on all I've lived, and how to use these lessons to live better this second half of my life. Yes, I'm sagging too, yes, my body is slowing down, yet even this reality is for my benefit....for as I slow down, I can notice and relish the now. I'm not in a rush anymore to get anywhere. I'm learning to release that stress and struggle and rush, and instead I go with the flow of my bodily movements and smell the flowers, watch the clouds stream by, learn from my father and my children and my friends. I listen now to my soul for guidance and to reveal to me what it is that I enjoy.
I'm rich and wealthy and am here to share this with all of you.