What Do I Want

I share this post from a few years ago because it's still relevant and can inspire others to work with this exercise.

I discovered something at a very deep level while doing a spiritual practice for the past 6 days.

The practice is titled:

What Do I Want

I close my eyes, and ask myself this question....I allow the responses to come from deep within.  I  repeat this several times, closing my eyes, feeling what comes up in images, feelings or sensations and then write them down.
At the end of 7 consecutive days I am to re-read these 7 pages highlighting what desires are consistent.  These are my true desires and what I need to focus on when making decisions.

I am on day 6 today but I already see the pattern. What is coming up strongly is:

• the feeling of wanting to be me, to express myself
• to share and have companionship
• to work independently and with flexibility 
• abundance 

This morning I pondered on where did this desire originate,what triggered it.  It came to my awareness immediately.

My mom, who did her best to raise me, was extremely controlling of me.  I was not allowed to go out to play, I couldn't sit on the floor and get dirty, I was not allowed to go to parties as a teenager, she walked me to school until I was 12 (very embarrassing in front of my friends)....all this controlling went on and on until I left home @ 20 to get married.  It was a hasty decision made to get out of the house.
 
There have been other similar experiences in my life, generated by me because of this pattern.  At 18 we moved to Dominican Republic,and  it was very difficult having to conform to a completely different culture (I was born and raised in NYC in the '60s / 70's), so I felt like a fish out of water for years and years and did my best to fit in.  Never did.

Doing this exercise and becoming aware of how intensely I've denied my Self helps me to love and honor my desires moving forward and make choices more aligned with who I truly am inside and not "what is expected of me".  I understand better why I am unhappy at most jobs I've had.   Very few have allowed me to blossom and grow and express my talents.....most have not.  My desire to create my own business is rooted in this.

This is one more step going home, which is truly within. 

Inspiration

I am surrounded by the most amazing, supportive people.  Their motivation continuously sparks my inspiration (motivation from without, inspiration from within), especially at this time, when I’m in a transitional phase shifting from an employee mindset to one of creating my own business as a minister and life coach.

I am grateful for my husband, Sig; his loving support and belief in me inspires and allows me to focus on my business and on being creative, with no pressure.  Thank you for seeing me with loving eyes and heart and reminding me daily of all the talents and gifts I have to share with the world.  I appreciate you rooting for me as I step into this new chapter in my life.

I am so grateful for my son, Norman, who sees me as a champion and continuously reminds me of my power.  He also inspires me to persevere with healthy habits, reminding me consistently of the importance of exercise, healthy eating and staying active both mentally and physically.  Witnessing his own blossoming and healing process has been inspirational indeed.  Thank you Norm!!!

Then there are my daughters, Savi and Deborah, who also inspire me as they remind me always how important I am in their lives.  Thank you for teaching me through your own life experiences.  You are both strong, creative women who have reached incredible heights through focus and perseverance

Thank you Maia, my friend, coach, and teacher! I appreciate your words of wisdom and encouragement throughout the years.  You have always been a real support for me.  Your life is truly an inspiration and you have taught me so much!!!
 
I am truly blessed by you all.  Your presence, love and support motivate, inspire and uplift me.  I cannot overemphasize the importance of having supportive people who nurture your inspiration to become your very best self!
I love you!!!