Wednesday, December 3, 2014
I would say to her:
Mommy, I sometimes see you in my dreams, and you look happy, younger, and we actually get along and have fun together.
I know you did your best to be a good mother to me. I didn't feel very loved by you, but you probably didn't love yourself very much either. I'm so sorry I never understood you. I'm sorry we never got along and were never able to enjoy a connection. I needed you as a mom, but it felt like you were just never there for me.
I truly am sorry for my impatience with you and for all my judgments and criticism. I'm sorry for all the fights we had, consistently throughout the years.
Now I understand how much you gave up when you left your family and country to come to the U.S. with my dad. How lonely and confusing it was for you in this foreign land. Please let me say that I appreciate you sewing my clothes with so much love, taking care of me making sure I ate my meals and was safe and protected.
I appreciate and admire all the creative talents you had that were never seen by the rest of the world, how you made lamps and sewed our bed and cushion covers to decorate our home. You were a great cook....I remember those cakes you would make and the baked chicken. Quite delicious.
Thank you for taking care of me in the way you knew how. Thank you for taking me shopping with you to Alexander's and Gimbel's and Macy's when I was a little girl.
I never really said this to you before, but I can say it now....I love you. I know you're doing just great wherever your soul is in Eternity.