Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Self Observation

Self observation

Last night I went to bed when I felt sleepy, not with an imposed schedule. I decided to wake up this morning when I woke up, and not at a set time. I slept peacefully and woke up at 7:30 am.

I notice a voice within me that pushes me saying: you have to do this, you have to do that. This silly yet imposing inner voice creates anxiety in me.It almost feels like guilt, and rush. Its byproduct is stress. When I'm drinking my coffee in the morning, I feel its rush to get up, get moving, you have to do all these things....and the present enjoyment fades.

Now that I'm on no one's schedule but my own, since I'm not working at an office and don't have to be somewhere at someone else's time, I need to learn to enjoy my freedom and be present with whatever task I have at the moment.

For sooooo many years I've had to live within a schedule and rush around and not be late, and beat traffic, etc., that I feel guilty that I'm enjoying this new lifestyle.

Another thing this voice whispers to me is this: don't get used to this because it's not going to last very long. Start looking for work, time is passing by, you need to produce. I need to write a love letter to this voice.

And, this is a good post for the journal site and my blog.

Thanks for being here for me, ladies. I love you.

2 comments:

  1. Hi my friend,

    I am so proud of you, but you know real success is not measured by how well you fulfill the expectations of others, but by how honestly you live up to your own expectations. Because you have been true to yourself in the quest of your dream, you have earned this moment and the right to be extremely proud of your achievement.
    In everyone's life there are moments of pride and accomplishment that are remembered forever, this will definitely be one of yours.

    Changing your thoughts has changed your world.

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  2. Thanks you Suni. You have been a part of this whole process too, with your support and friendship.

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