Friday, September 17, 2010

Taking Responsibility


I had a difference with someone I care for very much just this past week. When in a relationship, whether it's romantic, friendship, business, coworkers, it's hard for me to honestly take responsibility for my own creations. I tend to project onto another what I'm supposed to be doing or owning. I hide these parts of me from myself. Why is it so hard to be honest with myself? For whom do I want to keep face? What am I defending?
I find it takes really a lot of courage to look at myself and be just as I am. Sometimes it feels scary. My God, is it that I've been so ingrained to doubt myself and to believe I have to be a certain way (that's not who I really am) in order to be ok?
When I decide to look at what's going on inside me, even momentarily, I find I need to release those preconceived labels and images I have created about myself. Like what?
  • I should be perfect and not make mistakes
  • I need to be good and this behavior, if discovered or revealed, proves the contrary
  • I will be left alone if I don't please this person
  • I don't know how to express my feelings effectively so I will hide what I'm really feeling to avoid confrontations
Besides courage, it takes self awareness to even realize I'm on a default system with these beliefs. They come up automatically. As a Life Coach, am I supposed to be "perfect" and not be dealing with these issues anymore (another preconceived idea I've had that ties to perfection)? No. That is not my experience. I still have these challenges.
After talking it over, writing a love letter and acknowledging my lack of responsibility with my friend, we both feel so much better and connected again.
Lesson learned. And life goes on.

2 comments:

  1. You are a shining example of living what you teach.

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  2. It can be so tempting to box ourselves into a preconceived notion. As a personal development blogger I can find myself thinking the same way. If I mess up relationally I can start to think that I'm a fake - but then I remind myself that no, I'm just human. Like everyone else!

    We are always learning and growing! :)

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