All that was fine and dandy....but I also remember how so much of the doctrine I was being fed did not resonate with my deep feelings. I remember now how I did not connect to or even truly believe much of what was taught to me, although I meekly obeyed. I allowed myself to be brainwashed into following beliefs I didn't really believe.
I remember how it was preached in church that dancing and music (except worship music) was not of God, also celebrating Christmas was a pagan thing. Oh, and divorce was a complete no-no, so us women needed to trust Jesus and He would change our infidel husbands. Even very short haircuts in women was shunned upon. Oh, and yoga? No way.
Somehow, none of this seemed realistic or even loving to me. But I followed it with a deep desire to truly be accepted in God's eyes.
Well, inside me was always the love of dancing and for all kinds of music, I adored Christmas decorations and the whole holiday spirit, I felt that having very short hair did not separate me from God in any way, And, eventually, I did get a divorce.
In time, I began to open up to other spiritual teachings and realized that God is in everything. God is not out to get me, I began to heal from a deep sense of guilt and shame. God isn't judging me. God is Love. Period. It took a while, and it's been a journey.
Today, I still value many of the lessons I learned on that religious journey, and I know, for me, that the Bible has many wise teachings, as long as I don't turn them into a judgmental doctrine. God is about life and love and also about remembering who I truly am. I am one with God. I have God's attributes, and this Truth has been covered up by so much false programming.
That is where I am now. Going back home, within, releasing the old, self-defeating beliefs.
Today, I am a much happier, focused woman. I am open to being guided from within instead of from without. I allow myself to feel my feelings without feeling guilty should they not be "good". I attract like-minded people into my life and much of the past drama has just faded away. Amen!!
You have truly come "home".ReplyDelete