Thursday, August 7, 2014

Observing What's Going on in My Head

As an observer of my thoughts, attitudes and feelings, (a practice I took on much more actively in the past few months) I "see" or identify more and more my conditioning, judgments and negative assumptions.  So many in just one day.  In one hour.

I used to wonder why I was never in joy and feeling happy in the past.  I have discovered the reason.  What goes on in my head has been rampantly running my life, affecting my well-being and keeping me in a low-level vibration for years.

I was confirmed Monday of last week my last day at work..... in 30 days.  After that, I'm unemployed.  I have to say, I felt a bit shocked.  I walked out of the room feeling a bit numb, then as the hours and days progressed feelings of resentment, comparison with my other co-workers (who will stay until end of year) surfaced and that fact put my focus on my boss making him into the bad guy.  I observed how I was feeling resentful towards him and that it was his fault and he didn't try to keep me on.  Of course, then the ego began whispering that I'm not good enough.....etc., etc., etc.

I did allow myself to feel these feelings.....what has been different is observation.  Observing takes me from feeling a victim to being an empowered being.  Knowledge.  I'm beginning to perceive what is going on in my head and I can change it.  This is on-going, and takes awareness on my part.

To be continued.....

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