Monday, August 2, 2010

Self Acceptance

My love has always been tainted with guilt, shame and low self esteem. I've heard for ever that in order to love others, I first need to love and accept myself. I almost seems like a cliche.
We live in a shame-based society. I was compared to better grade students @ school. At home my brother was a better son than I was a daughter, and my mom was not shy to frequently repeat this to me. That was her perception, but I believed it. Advertisements were constantly telling me I should be this tall, that skinny, this type of hair, and so forth. Too much stress. How can I meet up to all these illusory standards?
I didn't grow thinking I was ok just as I was. My parents didn't feel that way about themselves either, so they had no way to provide me with acceptance and unconditional love. I learned I was defected and that love had to be earned. That was the message.
This is what I brought to my relationships throughout my life. I was ashamed of who I was, so I created a false self. I tried so hard to be the best I could be.
Of course I've had intimacy issues for fear of revealing my true self, which I believed was insufficient.
There's a good side to this story. Actually, it's all good, because it's all served as a growth process.
Along the way, I've met some wonderful people. I have really good friends that have mirrored back to me love and acceptance. I've developed a deep love relationship with God as my Creator based on trust and surrender through my spiritual studies. Today I belong to a caring and open journaling community where I can share my feelings freely without fear of condemnation. I interact with other like minded people.
I've also taken up a coach training program called You University. It's a coach training program but also a self-development program. The tools in this program have really turned my life around....my inner life. This change is affecting my outer life too. I am finally learning self love and self acceptance.

4 comments:

  1. Savina,
    You are really insightful person. You can see your history very distinctly and know what it is you are wanting for your future. Thank you for being so inspirational!
    Love,
    Adrienne

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  2. Our self image plays such a huge role in how we interact with others. I wish society, the media, and schools put more emphasis on our self-esteem. It would be helpful to have some skills early in life. I am also grateful for YOU University and what it has taught me. I try to teach my kids on their level what I am learning.

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  3. It is such a tragedy that so many of us are given such negative feedback so early in our lives. Many of us eventually grow and learn and begin to believe in ourselves. So many of us don't. That is a tragedy.

    The lessons you've learned and the things you're teaching your own children because of them, is wonderful.

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  4. Your story reflects the majority of lives in this our society. Yes, very few recover from such a tragic childhood. But you did and there is hope. There should be more training programs like You University so that many more lives can be transformed. Thanks for sharing.

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